guilty as sin --- further comment on Pretender

(review of Pretender, C.J. Cherryh)

so I pick up Pretender, and, yes, Bren-ji is still stuck in that same awkward place I left him. there's nothing for it but just be brave and read. the hard part is... he doesn't seem to think he's in an awkward place. I feel like he's making a monumental fool of himself in some instances, or just that he's not with the program, and he apparently doesn't pick up on this at all. it about kills me. it seems especially bad for this to happen in Pretender, because by now he really should know better... right?

....

especially all his internal postulations involving hiding the heir out of harm's way until everything has been taken care of and decided? Bren does seem to have problems (still) thinking in atevi terms---unless he's explaining the atevi culture to someone else. then, he has little problem. when he is just thinking to himself, however, he doesn't seem to engage that regulatory check, that but-they're-not-human catch, as often as he should.

hmmm. I mentioned that I think of Bren as an ENFJ, because he's so freakin' like me (an INFJ). and guess what? oh yes that's right...

I'm guilty as sin of doing the same thing as Bren Cameron.

now, indulge me, because this is as close as I can get to Bren's situation, okay? but I have two autistic children. when I am advocating for them or interacting with them and the community at large, I have no trouble whatsoever reminding everyone that autistic people think, communicate, and perceive the world differently than neurotypicals do, and that doesn't make the autistic right or wrong or the neurotypicals right or wrong, and that accomodations must be made that honor the intrinsic humanity of both sides in such a way that we can all get along. I mean, I've been living with this reality for nigh-on ten years, so I know this, right?

so why is it when I am alone with my autistic kids, all summer, that this kind of thinking starts to slide away? why do I find myself thinking, "really it shouldn't be so difficult; why do I always have to change everything for them?" I honestly forget, for periods of time, that maybe I make accomodations for them, but that's Nothing compared to the effort they put forward as autistic people in a non-autistic world. it's nothing. and they do try. and I should know that. I do know that. why in the world do I forget? why do I not remember when it seems most critical?

let's see; would this fit the situation?

I seem to have problems (still) thinking in autistic terms---unless I'm explaining autism to someone else. then, I have little problem. when I am just thinking to himself, however, I don't seem to engage that regulatory check, that but-they're-not-typical catch, as often as I should.

my hat goes off to you, CJC. you really know your characters. even if your readers have a hard time putting up with them lol :)